I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
