They should really pass out barf bags in church
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
