names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
