I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
