I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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