I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
