i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
