Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found puke in my bra..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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