I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
