I think I won the penis lottery.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
