They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
