dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
