I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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