She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
