all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
