Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
