i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
