Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
