Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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