Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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