Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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