I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
