i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
