just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
