i think my mom watched the whole time
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
