My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
