He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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