My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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