whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
