the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
