so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
