I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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