so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
