I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My life is pants optional.
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