at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
