The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
