Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
