Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
this is an emotional support booty call
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
