is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this hospital has no fireball
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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