I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
