If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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