True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
