I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
