You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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