I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
