apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
