BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
