we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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