I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You took a bar mat shot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
