Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
