you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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