she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
