chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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