so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
