dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
