I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
